5 Things to Do When You Have an “I Do It Myself” Kid

Supporting Your Independent Toddler with Love and Patience

If you’ve ever had a toddler stomp their foot and declare, “I do it myself!” you’re not alone. This phase is a completely normal and healthy part of development. It’s your little one’s way of exploring their independence, building confidence, and learning how the world works.

As parents and caregivers, it can be tempting to jump in and help. But these moments are golden opportunities to support growth. Here are five things you can do when your toddler insists on doing it themselves.

1. Build in Extra Time

Let’s be real. Watching a toddler put on their own shoes can take 15 minutes. Instead of rushing them, try adjusting your schedule to allow space for these moments. It helps reduce stress (for both of you) and sends the message that their efforts matter.

2. Offer Choices, Not Commands

Giving toddlers a sense of control can ease power struggles. Try offering two options.

“You can carry your hat or your water bottle. Which one would you like?”

This helps them feel empowered without overwhelming them with too many decisions.

3. Break Tasks into Steps

Some things feel too big for little hands. If your toddler wants to do something they’re not quite ready for, break it into smaller, doable steps. For example:

“You can press the button to start the blender after I pour everything in.”

This supports independence and keeps things safe.

4. Resist the Urge to Fix

Yes, their shirt might be backwards. And yes, the peanut butter might be sliding off the toast. But unless it’s a safety issue, try to hold back from correcting them right away. Celebrate the effort, not the outcome.

“You did that all by yourself. How clever!”

5. Create a “Yes” Space

Set up areas at home where they’re free to explore, choose, and try things out without needing constant supervision. Think low hooks, small stools, unbreakable dishes, and easy-to-reach baskets of toys or clothes. The more prepared the environment, the more success they’ll feel.

Final Thoughts

The “I do it myself” stage can feel like a test of patience, but it’s actually a beautiful window into your child’s growing mind. With a little planning, flexibility, and encouragement, you’re helping them build lifelong skills like resilience, problem-solving, and self-confidence.

And remember, on days when independence feels extra challenging, a deep breath and a cup of tea go a long way.